1.04.2007

I don't lub you no more...

I've fallen out of love with the Food Network. It was fun while it lasted. The glitz, the glamour, the whirlwind lifestyle...but now it just seems so...hollow...

Sure - I had a few laughs with Emeril, nodded sagely as Sarah dispensed her advice and even worshiped Alton from afar, food god that he is...

No longer.

I break with thee
I break with thee
I break with thee
And then I throw creme brule on your shoes
(I couldn't find dog poopie)

So that's pretty much it.
We are broke up. Kaput.
Don't give me the old saw about, "But we'll try harder...I promise!"

What about Mario huh? You just kicked him to the curb!
What about Tony? Couldn't take the heat huh?
Who's next?
Not your girl Rachel...I see how you are...
Well I am sick of Rachel - Rachel Rachel Rachel!
How come she always get her way huh? You always were a sucker for a pretty face. Never mind skills or talent....There is a reason people call her the Ray-tard you know...

So that's it. I am a PBS girl now...and I watch Tony on the Travel Channel. I can get my groove on without you, ya'know...

And don't be sending me any of those automated emails asking me to come back either. I told my Spambot to filter them out...

14 comments:

Terry B said...

There was an article [last fall?] in the New Yorker about the dumbing down of the Food Network, with Rachel leading the way. As real chefs teaching real technique were removed from the roster, they were replaced with people who taught more about shopping for premade ingredients than they did about cooking. Rachel, for instance. It was gratifying to read that the formula wasn't paying off like they thought it would. Maybe we're not as dumb and/or lazy as they thought.

monalisa said...

Amen to that! Even Rachael was tolerable for the first year and a half or so. Sandra Lee was the last straw though.
I still tune in to watch most reruns of "Good Eats", wistfully remembering a better day :-(

Rosie said...

Terry - I still think the formula is working because most of America can't cook. At least not from scratch. The Food Network is giving people what they want and in turn that attracts advertisers. They don't do it for us the foodies - they do it for their stockholders. And I am sure the stockholders can't cook either.

Mona - I watched exactly one episode of Sandra Lee. My hubby watched it with me. Our mouths hung open in awe - how could anyone think this was a cooking show, much less a good cooking show? My hubby then pronouced that she was a kept woman who was given this show as something to keep her busy while her hubby was off doing important things - like eating in good restaurants. Turns out - he was right on the nose....

Glenna said...

I know! I can't believe it. It makes me sick. We finally had great access to what you used to have to go take extension classes for...darn it!

sher said...

I don't watch it very much anymore. But, I'll still tune in for those crazy Challenges where they have to build cakes and pastries in a set amount of time!

Rosie said...

Glenna - first rule of television: people would rather be entertained than edjumacated.

Sher - I can see you now - (hmmmmmm yeah - now I know that I could whip their butts with one hand tied behind my back!"

Raspil said...

i haven't had the FN in two years. now that i have it again, i'm taking perverse joy in seeing how FAT that hag Rachael Ray is getting.

Rosie said...

Raspil -

That's what happen when you sit on your ass and take credit for other people's hard work...

Nicci King said...

How many times can a person hear someone say "yum-o," "evoo" and "sammies" before she snaps? But I would rather be Rachael Ray's personal assistant in perpetuity before I'd watch another episode of Sandra Lee. FYI, Sandy, making lemonade from concentrate, slicing and baking, etc... does not constitute cooking. "70% store-bought/ready-made products accompanied by 30% fresh and creative touches." Sounds like 100% hooey.

http://frontier.cincinnati.com/blogs/foodie/

Anonymous said...

Anthony Bourdain is God

Anonymous said...

Why are you guys so mean? I know, maybe Rachel is not the best cook or baker--but neither am I. I want to prepare meals for my family that are quick and enjoyable. What's wrong with that? Yes, the FN should bring back classic cooking shows that really TEACH. I am not confident enough in the kitchen to try new dishes from experts like Rosie. After mastering meals from Rachel, which don't require a lot of thinking, i have some cook notches under my belt. And that's ok for right now. However, once mastered I am looking forward to real-quality shows like Roise once had.

Raspil said...

why are we so mean, anonymous? i can only speak for myself when i say that Rachael Ray is one of the reasons the FN sucks now. nobody needs four cooking/travel shows, a magazine and a talk show. she's totally lacking in self-awareness. she's an affront to professional cooks. the FN used to cater to a different "mind" of people. now it's a race to see how stupid, lazy and fat the viewers can get. When her face is one you see constantly, hers is going to be the one tied to the bad part of that channel. it's called overexposure. it's not good.

"After mastering meals from Rachel, which don't require a lot of thinking, i have some cook notches under my belt."

i can't believe how proud you are to master meals from someone who is not a trained chef/cook. they don't require a lot of thinking? you say that like "thinking" is a bad thing! you are the EPITOME of the idiot Food Network viewer! why not learn something from Gale Gand, Sara Moulton or Cat Cora? at least those women have integrity and a sense of modesty and shame.

Toby & Sadie said...

I really enjoyed this post. So much so, that I have included it in the "Ohio Blog Carnival" for the month of January.

Keep up the great work!
Toby

Rosie said...

Thanks, Toby!!